My Guest Tonight
by pmraptor98
Summary: Dr. Alan Grant goes onto the Daily Show with Jon Stewart to discuss his latest book.


"Welcome back, my guest tonight – one of the world's leading paleontologists, his new book is called _Jurassic_ _Lies: how Masrani Global's Biggest Attraction is Fostering Scientific Illiteracy_. Please welcome to the program – Dr. Alan Grant!" Jon Stewart stands as Dr. Grant walks out from back stage to a swell of applause from the studio audience. Dressed in jeans and work boots he looks ready for a day in the field. His face is marred only by a few faded scars and many graying hairs. As he takes Jon Stewart by the hand, he towers over the host, as most guests do. "So before we get to the book, let me just say, real quick – uh, now there are a lot of people I've always wanted to have on the show, and you sir, you are definitely on that list."

"Well, thanks Jon. Love the show, so I'm happy to be here."

"Oh thanks very much. Uh…so tell us. Did Jurassic World lie to me?"

Dr. Grant and the audience both chuckle a little before he answers. "Well, yes, I mean not just you – they've lied to me, and to everyone here, and to everyone in the world, and they're still doing it right now. Jurassic World, going all the way back to when it first opened in 2005 has billed itself as a dinosaur theme park. You go there to see actual living dinosaurs. The problem , however, is that the animals that you see when you go to Jurassic World aren't dinosaurs."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Wow. See, that's what…you know, something that I just think is so crazy is that – have you been to Jurassic World?"

Beat. Everyone bursts out laughing.

"Have you, Jon?"

"Oh boy, let me tell you – you know, I….I try to do what I think is right. And between everything in your book and all the-the past Ingen incidents, you know I just can't imagine it being a good idea. Which makes it rough because, I have two sons. Both at that age, you know? So every time I get time off it's, "So are we going to Jurassic World? Are we going to Jurassic World?"

Once again, Dr. Grant and the audience laugh as Stewart imitates his whining sons. "Wow, that must be rough!"

"It is! It really is!"

"Well, good for you not giving in, Jon"

"Well thank you sir, so what I was saying, what I was going to say was…I haven't been. Uh, but I have seen photos, and I gotta say, they do look like dinosaurs."

"Well, it's funny you say that Jon. Do you know what a dinosaur looks like?"

There is a pause as Stewart curls his lips in good-natured embarrassment "…..touche." Everyone laughs. " But then, do you? I mean, you certainly would know more than me, but…?"

"I don't know what dinosaurs looked like fully, when they were alive. But as someone who studies this stuff, I do know what dinosaurs didn't look like, and I know they didn't look like those things they've got down there in Jurassic World."

"What are some of the ways in which the creatures of Jurassic World are wrong?"

"Probably the most glaring is the fact that some of the animals in Jurassic World are supposed – key word there – supposed to belong to species that we either know had feathers, or are extremely confident had feathers. So for example, one of the creatures they've got down there are called, '_Gallimimus_.' That dinosaur, it's about as tall as I am at the shoulder, and it was very ostrich like, it belongs to a larger group of dinosaurs that we call 'ostrich dinosaurs.' They've got very long necks and legs with short, stocky bodies and long arms. We've found fossils of relatives of _Gallimimus_, called _Ornithomimus_, and these fossils show the impressions of feathers all around the body, and even wing feathers on the hands. These are fully developed feathers just like you'd see on a modern bird."

"So, we don't have any fossils of feathers from _Gallimimus_ itself."

"No, we have no skin impressions of any kind from_ Gallimimus_. But when we find a close relative that does have feathers, the simplest, most-likely explanation is that _Gallimimus_ had feathers too. Like…pretend that you are a paleontologist in the distant future."

"…..Okay. Do I like, dig up fossils with like, laser shovels or…?" Everyone laughs as Jon Stewart mimes shoveling with his hands.

"Oh well, yes of course! But anyway, you dig up the remains of a lion. Now you've never seen a lion before, so you don't know if it has scales, or fur, or feathers, or whatever. But then you discover the fossils of a tiger, and the tiger fossils show they were furry, so…"

"Okay I see. Yeah, that makes sense. But then, why is it that the _Gallimimus_ of Jurassic World are not feathery?"

"The first thing you have to understand is that the dinosaur DNA which the park geneticists used to create the animals was incomplete right from the start. In the first generation of animals bred, we know they used frog DNA to fill in the gaps of the dinosaur genome, in effect creating mutant hybrids. And these mutant hybrids actually had traits from the frogs. So for example, they had the ability to change sex in a single sex environment, much like some amphibians do today. So by filling in the dinosaur genetic code with the DNA of living animals, they can create animals that can display traits that the actual living dinosaurs lacked, such as scaly skin instead of feathers."

"But I suppose a more important question then is why? Why would you intentionally change the animals to make them less realistic?"

"Oh I don't know Jon. I mean…for me, dinosaurs are fascinating in and of themselves. And the more we learn about them, the more amazing they become. So the idea that you wouldn't want to create real dinosaurs – or at least something that better approximates what a real dinosaurs looks like – is just totally beyond me. But as near as I can understand it, these animals were basically, 'focus grouped,' just like any other commercial product.

"You see, Jon, when I say the word 'dinosaur' you instantly get an image in your head of what that word means. Now the interesting thing is that, whatever image you have in your head, it's much more likely based on depictions in media than it is on hard fossil evidence. Art, literature, film, TV, video games, comic books, etc. all shape the way our culture has come to view these animals. Now unfortunately, as I'm sure you're aware, these media portrayals aren't always as up-to-date, and rigorously studied as they should be. So most people aren't familiar with some of the more recent major discoveries, such as feathered dinosaurs. So when Ingen, or Masrani, or whoever decides to clone dinosaurs for exhibit in a theme park, they want to make sure that people want to actually come and see them. So it could be that people didn't like the idea of feathered dinosaurs, or thought that it made them look less cool, or less scary or whatever. So they went with a decidedly 'retro' look to the dinosaurs to better fit what people think of when they hear the word dinosaur."

"See, that more than anything, I think, is what's most crazy about all this Jurassic World stuff, is that you could 'focus group' actual living animals like they were…like, toys or some shit. To me, the…arrogance involved in that kind of attitude is just…..it, it staggers me. We are constantly – _constantly_ – reminded of our place in nature. Storms, earthquakes, wildfires…uh…disease, famine. And yet to do something like this…shows a stunning ignorance, and an even more stunning lack of humility before the awesome power of the natural world."

"Yeah, absolutely, I agree. And I think…ultimately that was a major problem with the original idea for a park, and I think ultimately that's going to create problems for this park too, sooner or later."

"So Jurassic World, basically, could give two shits about scientific accuracy."

"Exactly, and that's where we get into the whole 'fostering scientific illiteracy' part of the book. If Jurassic World billed itself as a place to see spectacular artificial mutant monsters, then I wouldn't have as much of a problem with it. At least not apart from all the stuff we just talked about. But when you claim to show people real dinosaurs, then you have to actually show real dinosaurs! The park has made no attempts to change anything – not even the signage –to reflect current scientific evidence. And as inaccurate as these creatures might be, the fact is that seeing them alive and walking around is going to have a much bigger impact than any kind of fossil-based evidence. So by refusing to honestly reflect reality, Jurassic World is preventing people from understanding what real dinosaurs were really like."

"Which I can certainly imagine would make life much harder for you, both as a scientist, and as an educator. But one thing I think a lot of people might ask you, and I'm going to try not to sound like a total asshole when I say this, but – why do you care? Is it really important that people know this? "

"You know, Jon, I'm not going to sit here and pretend that this stuff is vital, you know? I mean, really this stuff doesn't have any real impact on people's day to day lives. It doesn't put food on the table, or gas in the car. I like to think that paleontology, and vertebrate paleontology in particular provides us with something a bit deeper than that. I think that – only by studying the history of life – can we have any idea of our place in the universe. Knowing where we've been, that sort of thing, and maybe even to understand something about where we're going in terms of managing our existing ecosystems. And the story of life is quite wonderful, I think. I see it, ultimately as a hopeful one, where no matter what horrible, devastating catastrophes the universe throws at it, life somehow manages to survive and recover."

Stewart stares silently at Dr. Grant, the audience snickering at his obvious amazement. "Wow, that…that, can I say something?

"What?"

"You just blew my mind." The audience erupts into whoops and hollers mixed in with applause and laughs. "Can you stick around for a a little while longer?

"Sure."

"When we come back, more with Dr. Alan Grant. Catch the full interview online. Once again, his book, _Jurassic Lies: How Masrani Global's Biggest Attraction is Fostering Scientific Illiteracy_ is on the bookshelves now, Dr. Alan Grant everyone, we'll be right back. " The studio goes dark as another round of applause rings out and the camera zooms out.

"Welcome back, I'm here with Dr. Alan Grant, one of the world's leading experts on dinosaurs. Now, much as I'm sure you're very tired of talking about it after 20 years, I just have to ask-"

"Yup, saw this coming."

The audience chuckles as Jon Stewart takes Grants hand in his own. "I am sorry, my friend. So, you of course are a survivor of the incident at the original Jurassic Park."

"Yup"

"But you were not a witness to the San Diego incident in 97, right?"

"That's correct. A lot of people think I was, but I was not there. I was in Montana at the time."

"Why do you think people get that wrong?"

"The best explanation I can think of is that people get me confused with Ian Malcolm, another Jurassic Park survivor who was there in San Diego at the time of the incident. Which to me seems to make about as much sense as confusing night with day."

"Can I just say though – I did have Dr. Malcolm on the show about 4 years ago, and I will say: he is a handsome devil."

Grant laughs even harder than the audience at that quip. "That is true"

"He's got this real, sort of, like, a Jeff Goldblum thing going on."

"You know, it's funny, that's what I thought when I first saw him."

"One of the main differences between the two of you is that after the incident, he was out there trying to tell everyone about what happened, where you shied away from all of that. What was the reasoning behind that?"

"More than anything, neither Ellie Sattler or I thought anyone would believe us. We had reputations to think about, and there was no point going to the media with unsupportable stories. Not to mention that, when we first agreed to visit the park, we all signed non-disclosure agreements forbidding us to talk about anything we'd seen. So Ingen could take us to court, where we'd invariably lose, we'd lose any standing we'd previously had in the field, and no one would believe us anyway."

"Any idea why Malcolm went ahead with it?"

"Hmm…..I'm trying to think of the friendliest possible way to say this…mathematicians aren't renowned for their understanding of people….I hate to say it this way, but….it was a miscalculation on his part."

"So you and Dr. Malcolm haven't really kept in touch?"

"Nah….I mean, I respect his work, and it's…..it's an experience we share, but we're just two different people."

"Okay, fair enough….Um…..how about John Hammond, what was your relationship with him like? Because I think personally he's one of the more interesting figures in all this Jurassic business."

"You know, I honestly didn't know Hammond all that well. We'd only met a couple times before the incident, and even during my time on Nublar, I wasn't with him for most of it."

"Well for most of it, you were trying to avoid being eaten."

"Yes, right! But…from what little time I did spend with him, I would say that his public persona was largely an accurate reflection of his person. He was very pleasant, charming, charismatic….he didn't strike me as the money-grubbing mogul that some have tried to paint him as. There's an old saying that I think perfectly describes Hammond and his errors regarding Jurassic Park. "Never blame on malice what could be more easily blamed on simple stupidity."

"So you think that Hammond was genuine in his awe and wonder and desire to share that with people, but he was just….like, misguided?"

"That's what I got from my time with him."

"As you know, Hammond died shortly after the big revelation in 97. So we never really got his side of the story, which is something I've always lamented. Um…..would you say that you, like, have any bitterness toward Hammond, even now?"

"To be honest, even after all that happened in Jurassic Park, I never felt any bitterness toward Hammond. Hammond was a very hard man to hate. You could blame the incident on a variety of possible causes: the storm, the possible sabotage of a disgruntled employee, or on the simple inevitability of it all. But you could also blame it on Hammond. You could argue that it was his recklessness and ambition that cost the lives of at least 5 people. But Hammond's vision was clouded by all that, not blinded by it. When he realized what was happening around him, he understood what needed to be done and worked with us all to try and save those that were left. And what most redeems Hammond in my mind was his work after the incident in the four years leading up to the San Diego incident. From what Malcolm has told me, he was actually working against those in Ingen who wanted to exploit the remaining animals on Site B, and prevented them from doing anything in all that time. And Hammond's intervention in their activities arguably prevented a much larger catastrophe from happening. Toward the end he was dead set against his former dream. There's not a lot people out there who can do that."

"That's something else that strikes me about Jurassic World, is that they sort of….hold Hammond up as this pioneer of the field of genetic engineering, when it feels like he'd actually be against them if he was still alive."

"Yeah, absolutely, they have buildings named after him and statues of him and all this stuff, but it's totally misplaced. People remember John Hammond via his public image of this dreamer, venture capitalist sort of guy, captain of industry type deal. But what most people don't realize is how hard Hammond worked in the last years of his life to protecting the animals of both islands from human interference. Jurassic World stands against everything John Hammond stood for. That they've almost martyred him in a way, honestly, it pisses me off."

"Jurassic World supposedly has a new attraction coming next summer, any guesses what that might be?"

"All I can say with any certainty is that, whatever it is, it won't be a dinosaur."


End file.
